allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
