my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
