ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
