Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just cropdusted the office
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
