its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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