Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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