I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
