I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
