Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
