Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
