it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
