dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
