Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
