I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
