Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
