in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We got so high we made milksteak
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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