i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
