Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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