Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize