I have demons in me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
