i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
soo... how was my night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
