If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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