So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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