My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
