Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
