READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
