If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Jerry, you need to find god
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
