u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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