He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
