im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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