20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Alive.
So much puke
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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