you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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