So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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