She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
