I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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