She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
