And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
