The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
