It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
