honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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