She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
