Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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