I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
