Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
