Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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