I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
this is an emotional support booty call
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
