I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
