I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
