I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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