Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
