You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
