May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize