After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
