the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
