The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
