Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize