I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
