hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
