who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize