dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
