Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize