overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
