question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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