Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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