Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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