I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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