My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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