If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
